sadness

there are reasons why i hate being out of work.
working long hours is a cure.
it blocks all unwanted emotion.
a way to channel excess energy.
a diversion.
a coping mechanism.
at the end of the day, all is left is just fragments.

*************************

every time i think of him, there is this sadness that washed over me.
its like standing near a sea shore, trying to enjoy the sun, and suddenly, a tide of waves come...
you stood firm on ur feet, but the current was way too strong.
and the waves just swept you away..

*************************

some time ago..



"what happened??"
"it was over."
"how do you know..??"
"he told me so."
"how so???"
"he said never to wait for him.."
"HE TOLD YOU WHAT??"
"he said never to wait for him, and told me to go on with my life.. and its such a waste of time.."
"waste of time??"
"yup.. maybe i waste his time for nothing.."
"MAYBE?? DID YOU ASK HIM?? WHAT DID HE SAY??"
"nothing.. i kept quiet."
"WHY??"
"i was embarassed to ask anything.. plus i dont really know what to say"
"for a smart girl, you can be really stupid"
"i dont know how to respond.."
"but you like him, right???"
"always will"
"hmm.. and u still miss him???"
"all the time"
"i think you should talk to him to clear things out la"
"he dont really like me that way, i think.. my fault i guess"
"then i think you should let him go.. maybe he's not the one"
"i tried.. i just like him so much"
"did you love him?"


"......"