blog vs facebook

i used to think that i might be one of those people who can get past this millenia without having to ever associate myself with Facebook. totally wrong. try again. hehe...

nah, i spent whatever left of my free time mainly in facebook. one, because its easy. all i have to do, is look at my phone, and taadaaaaa, all is there. two, there are always funny people with funny things to say, and some times, i get to be funny too. ha!

me on the facebook, is so different with me on the blog. hypocrite much? no? yes? nah, not really.  on the facebook, its me being me on crack. seriously. thats why, i seldom add bloggers i know, as a friend on my facebook. seldom is overstating it. i only add two bloggers i know in my FB, and the turned down many other requests, including Aduka's. funny enough, its like me having two secret, distinctively separate life. which soon, cease to exist. ha!

and yes, the fact that i am talking about my facebook here in my blog, instead of talking about my blog in my facebook, says it all. which is the real me? me here, or me over there?

*ponders for a while*

its been bugging me, really. why cant i be open and honest, like i do now in my blog, to the rest of my friends and families on the facebook. instead, i get to be the happy me over there. happy me on crack, i must say. ha ha ha.

yes, talking about heartaches in front of all the people in this world, so not gonna happen anytime soon. ha!


*pause*

crap. i got caught up in liking quotes in FB. ha ha!
so, i lost my train of thoughts.
continue..... tomorrow? no?
i dont make promises i couldnt keep...
:p

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broken

im one of those ppl who are good at pretending.

hiding.

being a ghost.

in the sense that, i never truly let people knows what inside of me.

or to be precise, i never, almost never let people know

..when im in pain.

as the years go by, im gettin good at camouflaging.

too good im afraid.

way too good that, at a hint of pain, i turn my back.

i always do.

i feigned ignorance.

pretend like i dont give a shit.

when in fact, my heart bleeds a river.

and people thought, i was charming.

funny.

witty with wicked sense of humour.

ppl thought im the one who laughs at everything.

i do laugh. a lot.

but when the laughter fades, 

something in me dies too.

im utterly lost.

i only have tomorrow to look forward to.

but what i really want, is to dwell on the past.

i want to cling on the past so much so..

it hurts.

i want to cling to the past because i want to undo all the mistakes that i have done.

i want to undo all the hurts, all the things that i wish i never do.

i wanted a clean break.

a clean slate.

i want a fresh start.

i want to look forward to tomorrow,

but the past is slowly catching up.

im tired of being alone.

no. its not love that i crave.

its weird, but i dont think i am capable of love anymore.

incapable of loving someone...

and incapable of loving back in return.

i feel so cold.

so cold and hard.

i wonder where the girl i used to be.

i used to think that love conquers all.

i used to think that love is sacred.

none of this mattered anymore.

now that i have said it out loud,

it broke my heart to acknowledge the fact that,

to admit this to myself,

i am broken.

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third attempt

this is my feeble third attempt.

i'm thinking about you...
and trying hard..
not to miss you.

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second attempt

ok, this is now my second attempt.
i had these stream of conciousness just begging for me to think it all over.
for quite some time, there is this one thing that bugs me the most.

i.am.wild.

and not in a good way.
although i tried hard to make myself go soft..
i ended up being unpredictably wild.
and rude.
but like usual, i chalked it up to me being...
cool.

which sucks.
cause being cool, is seriously over-rated.

for a second attempt, i suck big time. lol.

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first attempt.

this is my first attempt to write.
tho i dont think its gonna work.
its just that my heart isn't into it.
i'll do the second attempt soon.
thanks for being here.
but then again, why are you even here?
:p

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ryyan unplugged.

2 months old ryyan laughing out loud with his daddy.
long live the superior gene! muahahahaha

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drawn together.. and not pulling away

catchy, yeah?
twas a tagline from the season finale of TVD.
drawn together.. and not pulling away.
have no idea why this line made me think.
and no, im not drawn to anything or anyone.

this week has been a total blast.
meaning, i keep making money. haha.
anyway, i was rearranging my future.
meaning, planning on what the hell am i gonna do with the rest of my life
which, is a loooooong way to go. assuming i didnt get hit by a truck.
so i've decided.
but im not gonna share it just yet.
haha.

anyway, tonight at 8pm in the USA, the season finale for TVD will be aired.
means i have to wait till tomorrow night before i'll be able to download it.
by then everybody else in this world would know what already happened.
and i will have more restraint so that i wont peek at the synopsis etc.

ok, myself is getting boring.
but, this is all i've got at the moment.
so, later.

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say all i need

woke up early.
as usual i guess.
took a long walk to stretch my legs.
while walking, this song kept echoing in my head..

"Do you know where your heart is?

Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?


Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted


Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold...."

enjoy.

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so, here it goes..

im not sure whether im having premonition, deja vu or maybe im a clairvoyant?
laughs out loud.
anyway, i have one of those loooooong day.
but, im loving it.
i never wanted to be an agent of any type of brands or products or whatnots.
capitalism. remember?
laughs.
but, heres the thing.
i signed up to be an agent of HR products.
only because, after thorough observation using my mom as the chck points, im declaring that the products actually worked as claimed.
so kudos to HR.
so im officially selling all those goat products and such.
and heres another thing.
in two weeks im buying myself some goats.
on cue, people, laugh out loud. haha
so anyway, this is only a pet project. im fascinated by goats at the moment.
weird, definitely weird.
do you know that goat's milk is the second best milk after breast's milk?
i never knew this before.
so, i thought come next school holiday, im gonna hop down into the department of veterinary, yup, jabatan haiwan, to see what kind of goat that is worth to be bought.
nah, im not looking into a massive production of goats. just gonna buy 1 male and two females and breed them.
oh no, theres no way in hell im gonna touch them. goat are gross. ewww. im gonna send them right away to my grandfather at his kampung and ask him to take care of the goats since he got nothing else to do. heh.
so anyway, maybe if they breed, i'd be a breeder one day. haha.
this is all becauuse i have no desire to stick my neck and live a life in a city so im going all backwards.

last but not least.
i know im gonna regret this.
im gonna regret this soon after i hit the PUBLIST POTS button.
but what the hell.
once is too many times already.
but err..
i kinda miss you.

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crazee iz what crazee doezzzzz..

okay im in a good mood.
full stomach.
good day.
and its friday!!
and its the day when i can download the latest episode of TVD. woohoo...
im downloading it as i speak, so to speak, but i cant wait for it to finish in another hour and a half. im crazeeeee about TVD. and im about to shit in my pants, so to speak, coz the tweets from the cast and the writers make the waiting such an unbearable pain in the ass.

cant wait to see damon aka ian somerhalder. cant wait to see alaric as well, the hot, lushy butt of a historian. hihi. owh, cant wait to see stefan brooding again. stefan should just kill himself so damon can be with elena. haha. i wrote about this already, didnt i?

so dude and dudettes, if u are as crazee as i am, lets watch TVD. next week is the season finale. season 2 TVD starts in september. but i dont mind. in june, True Blood is coming back for their 3rd season. woohooo. cant wait to see what happen to Bill after he proposed to Sookie. well, some asshole kidnapped Bill when Sookie went to the toilet. what a bummer. and also in june, we get an extra dose of edward cullen. again. i hope this eclipse is better than new moon.

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