broken

>> Isnin, September 06, 2010

im one of those ppl who are good at pretending.

hiding.
being a ghost.
in the sense that, i never truly let people knows what inside of me.
or to be precise, i never, almost never let people know
..when im in pain.

as the years go by, im gettin good at camouflaging.
too good im afraid.
way too good that, at a hint of pain, i turn my back.
i always do.
i feigned ignorance.
pretend like i dont give a shit.
when in fact, my heart bleeds a river.

and people thought, i was charming.
funny.
witty with wicked sense of humour.
ppl thought im the one who laughs at everything.
i do laugh. a lot.
but when the laughter fades, 
something in me dies too.
im utterly lost.
i only have tomorrow to look forward to.
but what i really want, is to dwell on the past.
i want to cling on the past so much so..
it hurts.
i want to cling to the past because i want to undo all the mistakes that i have done.
i want to undo all the hurts, all the things that i wish i never do.
i wanted a clean break.
a clean slate.

i want a fresh start.
i want to look forward to tomorrow,
but the past is slowly catching up.

im tired of being alone.
no. its not love that i crave.
its weird, but i dont think i am capable of love anymore.
incapable of loving someone...
and incapable of loving back in return.

i feel so cold.

so cold and hard.
i wonder where the girl i used to be.
i used to think that love conquers all.
i used to think that love is sacred.

none of this mattered anymore.
now that i have said it out loud,
it broke my heart to acknowledge the fact that,
to admit this to myself,

i am broken.



3 komen:

Unknown 2:50 PG, September 07, 2010  

mmm ... u must brave & tough it when things get rough .. maybe just maybe only time can heal that pain. Misery. Heart-broken. hang on there lass. U can do it. All these'd stand a good stead for the future of yours. Imo.

A wished a knew to tell u of what cure to take. But a dunno really. What about not being sorry to yerself nomore? But it's easier said than done, right? Damn. Love? Possible. Again imo.

For me .. mmm...the past? Arghh, a wished a neva did that big stupid mistakes. But obviously a did. Can do turning back that time. So hardly surprised me if a still suffering these consequences. Still atm. The truth hurt so deep a felt at times am just a living dead. Somehow i managed to survive for another day. Thanks Allah.

Here hoping a good gal like u get through it somehow. Bound back 1 day. Gain the love of Allah maybe the answer of the unconnected dots. Missing link. Again, just imo.

evnyle,  6:51 PTG, September 07, 2010  

i dont do advice wery well.
im wery stubborn.
way too proud.
but pride goeth before fall.
or some shit like that they used to say.
hee hee.
well, i brood too much.
warghhhh this is holidays talking.
i always hate holidays.
i got too much free time.
id rather work my butt off.
i really dont like sitting and brooding and doin nothing.
sheessh.
no wonder im such a terminal barchelorette.
haha

Unknown 12:04 PG, September 08, 2010  

oh .. a believe u'll just take things in yer stride.

Have great times during yer hols. Happy Eid as u deserve it.

Catat Ulasan

  © Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP